“Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” …Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
For $40 you can push a button to hear Joel Osteen tell you stuff.
Seriously.
Here’s the “Inspiration Cube:”
Here’s a recent Fighting for the Faith video that demonstrates the terrible false teaching of Joel Osteen:
Hillsong Church invited people to take communion at home with a cookie and juice or whatever is convenient.
“23 For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, 24 and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” 25 In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
27 Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty concerning the body and blood of the Lord. 28 Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup. 29 For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body eats and drinks judgment on himself. 30 That is why many of you are weak and ill, and some have died. 31 But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. 32 But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world.
33 So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for one another— 34 if anyone is hungry, let him eat at home—so that when you come together it will not be for judgment. About the other things I will give directions when I come.”
Here’s another article on this issue from our friend (and Messed Up Church contributor) Anthony Wade: More Proof of Hillsong Danger-Cookies and Orange Juice for Communion
Just when you thought that seeker-friendly evangelicals were at the height of embarrassing cultural accommodation, this Episcopal church in San Francisco goes so far over the top that suddenly Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, and Benny Hinn appear orthodox and Biblical:
Nothing really needs to be said about this...
Except maybe: "Pow pow pow..."
This really sounds like something made up as a satire post... but it's real. It would be fun to somehow make this more ridiculous, but we can't figure out a way to do that. It might be worth noting that Ryan LeStrange has recently adopted his new "Do These Make Me Look Smarter?" eyeglasses, so maybe he's received new revelatory powers as a result.
They are actually SELLING tickets to this festival of idiocy:
Thanks to Is Not Satire for the scoop on this unbelievably stupid event!
Because our words can change stuff...
This is from the same speech where: The Lord Grabbed Jenn Johnson by the Hair and Sent Her Into Outer Space
Hey boys and girls, here's a great idea: "Take your prophetic ministry to the next level—discover how you can give powerful prophetic words to people through their tattoos and piercings!"
Here's a link to Doug Addison's online store where you can buy his course:
Doug Addison's Prophetic Tattoo and Piercing Interpretation Class
In this course you will discover:
Here's how Doug Addison describes himself:
"Doug Addison is a prophetic speaker, author and coach. Over the past twenty years, he has been a cutting-edge prophetic leader, dream interpreter, entrepreneur, life coach, consultant and trainer. He is also a leading authority in the area of destiny achievement to educational institutions, professional associations and religious organizations."
And believe it or not, Addison is STILL trying to sell these worthless books:
We are not sure if Doug Addison really is a "cutting-edge prophetic leader, dream interpreter, life coach, consultant and trainer," but he most certainly is an "entrepreneur!"
You can sniff the body odor of Jesus if you have the gift of discerning of spirits says Jennifer Eivaz the Executive Pastor at Harvest Christian Center in Turlock, California. Apparently it can lead to a good laugh too. Jesus smells like laughing gas? She posted the below on Facebook.
Does this mean if I smell stale German beer and sausage some demon trying to mimic Martin Luther is after me?
This is pure nonsense and really doesn’t need further response.
Televangelist Paula White and her (third) husband, Jonathan Cain (Paula is his fourth wife) were recently on the Jim Bakker Show. Jonathan Cain is a rock star from the band Journey. He performed his gigantic hit "Don't Stop Believing" on the show. This is really weird:
Maybe somebody should tell these people that this isn't a worship song. The lyrics aren't even totally coherent: "Streetlights people, living just to find emotion..." What the??
Here's the chorus and outro lyrics:
“Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlights people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night
Don’t stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people
Don’t stop believing
Hold on
Streetlight people
Don’t stop believing
Hold on to the feeling
Streetlights people”
Here's the audience joining the worshipful sing-along, (or maybe reliving their high school glory days):
This strange event really took place, but it came very close to this satirical piece from the satire site, The Babylon Bee: Journey Song Becomes Unlikely Worship Hit After Accidental Christian Radio Broadcast
Even Mike Bickle couldn't believe they sang that song:
Okay, okay, Mike Bickle wasn't on the show that day. But, Mike Bickle was recently on the Jim Bakker Show. He talked all about the "prophet" Bob Jones and a bunch of other weird stuff like he usually does.
By the way, Jonathan Cain told Christians to watch porn with their wives:
We recently exposed the crazy false teachings of Kat Kerr about controlling the weather here and here. What is truly amazing, frustrating and revealing, are the comments from Kat Kerr's followers on her Facebook page. These people (mostly women) call themselves "Weather Warriors" because they believe they can control the weather. These are not people who want to deal with reality. They live in a tightly contained bubble of Word of Faith heresy and Dominionist fantasies.
They are under a delusion and they LIKE IT.
“For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false, in order that they all may be judged who did not believe the truth, but took pleasure in wickedness.”
These Weather Warriors truly believe they are able to control the weather, and nothing will hinder that belief, not even the obvious inability to control the weather. They are displaying something known as "Confirmation Bias." People can pour their own subjective, irrational ideas into a group and/or belief system and create a sense of meaning and purpose. As example of this, here's a video about young men who have created as sense of purpose and community around the cartoon "My Little Pony:"
Here's a video about a guy who just stares at people without saying a word, and people stand in line to buy tickets just to stare back at him:
So, even though Kat Kerr taught her followers that they could confidently send hurricane Irma into the Atlantic ocean where it would dissipate, the storm ignored all of their proclamations and continued on its path of death and destruction. This was...
BIG Failure # 1
But this didn't convince her gullible followers that something was wrong. Word of Faith teaching says that we must continue to make forceful declarations about whatever it is we want God to do, and He will have no choice but to obey our commands of faith. This is why they continue proclaiming "victory" and "glory" in spite of obvious failure. WOF teaching stresses the importance of people agreeing on something in order to make it happen. They believe we should thank God for the thing He hasn't done yet, because apparently that shows our tremendous faith and forces Him to do OUR will. What they don't realize is that this totally disregards God's sovereign will and makes God out to be a puppet of human manipulation. Here are just a few comments from delusional Word of Faith believers agreeing with Kat Kerr's failure to control a hurricane:
After about three days of utterly failing to control the hurricane, Kat Kerr claimed that she made a slight mistake: she claimed that hurricane Irma was continuing on its course to Florida because Florida was in a drought and needed water. This was a last ditch effort to explain her inability to control the hurricane. This was...
BIG failure #2
Here's the drought map for the week (notice that Florida is NOT having any drought at all):
At this point one would hope that her followers would catch on to this scam. Nope. Here's how they respond to her feeble story about sending the hurricane to Florida to help the (pretend) drought...
Notice the last comment: this lady basically says: "Thanks for your generous offer to send a hurricane in our direction, but we're not having a drought. But thanks so much for involving us in this grand delusion of being Weather Warriors!"
Here are some more confused and delusional comments:
At 7 pm on September 10th this is what the gigantic storm looked like as it pummeled Florida:
And, believe it or not, Kat Kerr was claiming a great victory!
Hurricane Irma swept through the entire state of Florida and continued on into Georgia. This was...
BIG Failure #3
After the hurricane ended and Florida was devastated (not to mention the even worse damage in the Carribbean), Kat Kerr told her Weather Warriors how great they were for doing... something:
Perhaps this comment says it all:
Ultimately, there are people who believe in the Word of Faith version of Christianity (which is not Christianity at all) because they like it, and people like Kat Kerr can make a good living off of them by maintaining and reinforcing their false beliefs.
“But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me.” - John 15: 26 (Notice how the Holy Spirit directs our attention to Jesus, not to controlling the weather and dominating the earth)
“Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God.” -Colossians 2: 18-19 (Kat Kerr is a master of the "humble brag" and claims to have regular visits to heaven where she gets new revelation directly from God)
“If anyone advocates a different doctrine and does not agree with sound words, those of our Lord Jesus Christ, and with the doctrine conforming to godliness, he is conceited and understands nothing; but he has a morbid interest in controversial questions and disputes about words, out of which arise envy, strife, abusive language, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of depraved mind and deprived of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain.” - 1 Timothy 6: 3-5 (Kat Kerr advocates a different doctrine)
Kat Kerr does NOT want you to read this: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know!
So this happened recently on the Jim Bakker Show (with Dr. Michael Brown endorsed Jennifer "Sneaky Squid" LeClaire sitting in on the show); watch Jim Bakker soberly warn his audience about the impending End of The World... directly followed by an upbeat (and totally bizarre) cover of the Bee Gees song "Staying Alive." You really can't make this stuff up...
Jennifer "Sneaky Squid" LeClaire watches in utter confusion as the song begins; notice her refusal to join the clapping. Perhaps the Sneaky Squid Spirit is at work here?
The following is an unedited article written by Ron Allen of the International Star Bible Society. It's from the Dr. Michael Brown Approved "Christian" website: Charisma Magazine:
"On July 21 the Sun enters the constellation Cancer (The Holding Place).
Cancer is the eleventh chapter of the Star Bible, and it is a picture of our eternal home with God, commonly called heaven. The modern name of Cancer, a Greek word meaning "crab", clouds the original meaning. It is a mistranslation of the Arabic name "khan", meaning "inn", and "cer," meaning "encircling", picturing a fortified home for travelers. Two other stars add to this understanding, Acubene (the sheltering place) and Tegmine (holding). There is also a faint star cluster known as Praesope (the multitude) reminding us of the multitudes of believers who will be gathered in heaven.
Two other constellations associated with Cancer also suffer from linguistic confusion, Ursa Minor and Ursa Major, the little and big "Bears," also popularly known as the Little and Big Dippers. The Hebrew word for bear, "dohv", was substituted by the Greeks for the actual name "dohven", meaning "sheepfold." Thus, the "bears" are actually the greater and lesser "sheepfolds." Ursa Major is also called "the assembled together" in Hebrew, and the word "assembled" is a linguistic cognate with the Greek word from which we got our word "church".
Ursa Minor (the lesser sheepfold) represents the holding place for the sheep, or believers, who lived before Jesus came. This understanding comes from the star named Kochab which means "waiting on Him who comes," as those Hebrew and other believers had to look forward for the Messiah.
Ursa Major (the greater sheepfold), represents those believers who came after Jesus, the church. The star named Dubheh Lachar, "the latter herd", points to this meaning. And, in addition, the name of the star at the end of the handle of the Dipper, alkaid, also means "assembly", the very name of the church in Greek.
Cancer was the sign of the summer season from the time of the Exodus to the advent of Christ, covering the age of Israel. It was replaced, as the precession of the equinoxes moved sign of the summer season, by Gemini (the united) which covers the time between the advent and the Second Coming of Christ, and was a sign in the sun, moon and stars of the Advent of Christ. Ursa Minor (the lesser sheepfold) in Cancer continues as sign in the sun, moon and stars of the Second Coming of Christ, as the precession of the equinoxes will move Polaris (the turned upon) directly over the North Pole in 2102 AD, signaling Christ's dominance over the high point of heaven.
Cancer is, of course, obscured from view now because it is hidden behind the Sun's glare. However, the Greater and Lesser Sheepfolds dominate the northern sky and are always visible. The Lesser Sheepfold, Ursa Minor, is easy to find because it contains the Pole Star Polaris. The Greater Sheepfold, a.k.a. the Big Dipper, will be in the Northwestern sky during the evening hours.
Don't be confused by the Crab and the Bears. Your home in Heaven is pictured in the stars."
(Ron Allen's book)
This is a Bible that keeps oozing out lots of oil and it's said to be "The Presence of God." If you have a couple hours to waste, listen to these men say, "it's not about the oily Bible..." while they talk on and on about the oily Bible (as they continually fail to mention the Gospel of Jesus Christ who died for our sins):
“I used to preach about Christ and Him crucified, but now we’ve got the oily Bible.”
Please read: Do Miracles Signs and Wonders Create Faith?
This "signs and wonder" version of Christianity is part of The New Apostolic Reformation
As Jim Bakker was peddling Mark Taylor and Mary Colbert's book The Trump Prophecies on The Jim Bakker Show on June 6, 2017 he directed his audience to read the book because scripture tells us to study to show ourselves approved, so we can rightly divide the word of truth.
“Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”
Yes, Jim Bakker just put a (worthless, money-generating) "prophetic" book on the same level as Holy Scripture. Christians everywhere must now purchase this book and study it so they can rightly divide the word of God, that is, if Jim Bakker is correct...
(Of course Jim Bakker is not correct, so don't buy or study this worthless, money-generating book.)
What should you do if you're a prophetess and your two red glory cloths protected by angels still can't deliver the full impact of God's anointing? Prophetess Mattie Nottage may suggest delivering some firm foot stomps to the belly or back of people privileged enough to come within the domain of such red glory cloths.
Check out the "anointed" stomps of the "prophetess" below, along with other clearly not anointed nonsense on her so called red glory cloths.
You can watch the original version in its entirety below
Fortunately, God has not yet instructed Prophetess Mattie to wear high heels for this spiritual endeavor...
Would you expect an anointed prophet of God to tell you not to pray, but rather to flaunt your riches in order to gain victory? "Prophet" Anointed Andrew also known as SEER1 is the prophet for you if your answer is yes.
A recent Facebook post encourages his followers not to pray, but instead to dress well if they want victory over their enemies.
Why get on your knees and seek strength from Christ in your time of weakness? Seek peace in prayer to guard your heart and mind? No way! Just put on your best watch, best shoes, and dangle the keys to your fancy car, that's all you need.
“6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ”
Who are we to listen to? Our "anointed" SEER1? Scripture?
Did you know the all knowing God created animals but didn't know what he created? According to Jesse Duplantis Adam knew more about animals than God did, and Adam even breathed life into the animals.
This is so absurd it shouldn't need to be addressed, but I'll address it. God created the animals before he created man. The animals were already described as living before Adam came on the scene. You can read about it in Genesis 1:20-31. Romans 11:34 says no one has ever counseled God, so the idea that God didn't know what he created is a huge load of nonsense.
Such heresy stems from a word of faith belief system that has man on the throne bossing God around with decrees. It's no wonder such a man-centered theology has the creation being smarter and more powerful than the creator.
“Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.”
Jesse Duplantis lives in this obscene 20,000 square foot mansion:
For further reading on this false prosperity teacher:
Ken Copeland: God Gave Us Private Jets Because You Can't Talk to God in Coach
This is one of the biggest "pastors" in America. This is not satire. This was part of a horrible sermon series. Listen to Chris Rosebrough discuss this on this episode of Fighting for the Faith.
In case you're thinking, "Well at least he's getting people to come to church..." you need to read this:
The Seeker-Friendly, Purpose-Driven Cornucopia of False Teaching
This is NOT satire:
"When the Sneaky Squid Spirit Starts Stalking You" by Jennifer LeClaire
Jennifer LeClaire is the SENIOR Editor at Charisma Magazine. Can you even imagine what kind of useless nonsense must be coming from the Junior Editor??
Look! It's a MONSTER!!
Please partner with us by clicking one of our friendly yellow buttons.
“Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.” (Jude 1:3)
© 2023 Pirate Christian Media, LLC
“You shall not steal.” (Exodus 20:15)
Powered by Squarespace | Made by Maxims.org
