“Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” …Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
This is NOT satire:
"When the Sneaky Squid Spirit Starts Stalking You" by Jennifer LeClaire
Jennifer LeClaire is the SENIOR Editor at Charisma Magazine. Can you even imagine what kind of useless nonsense must be coming from the Junior Editor??
Look! It's a MONSTER!!
Another crazy example of the "church" losing its moorings and entering a place of complete Apostasy and self-satire:
"Glitter Ash Wednesday Sparkles for LGBT Christians and Others"
It appears that Charisma Magazine might be trying to compete with The Babylon Bee:
Prophecy: A Transformational Oil Spill is Coming
Maybe Dawn Hill, who wrote this strange little article, went and saw Heidi Baker last year:
We here at Pirate Christian Media are READY FOR THE OIL SPILL!!!
Eric Dykstra, the vision-casting leader of The Crossing Church will be teaching the people at The Crossing how to date, mate and procreate. Oh goody.... :-/
One has to wonder if Dykstra is an expert on dating, mating and procreating (we pray the sermons aren't illustrated). One thing is certain, he's no expert on rightly handling God's Word and preaching Christ. Here's the promo video that The Crossing put together for this "ground breaking" sermon series.
Warning: You can never unsee this video once you watch it.
This is NOT satire, this is real:
Jennifer LeClaire is actually trying to sell CDs of this useless "prophetic" drivel, accompanied by some music. Her website says this: "This is a CD of prophetic words, sounds and decrees that defy impossibilities." Huh? Wouldn't it have been more honest to say: "This is a CD of various catch-phrases and slogans, accompanied by music. Jennifer LeClaire wants more money."
Real musicians are often making their entire albums available for FREE on various music websites, like Bandcamp and Soundcloud; but Jennifer puts this video of short samples on YouTube, without allowing anyone to hear the whole thing. Wait... this CD is a prophetic "word from God" but you need to send LeClaire $15.00 if you want to hear it??
No thanks, Jennifer, we've got the actual Word of God.
Is it any surprise that this ridiculous "pastor" completely mishandles the Word of God? Is it any surprise that he gives a totally Law-based motivational speech that tries to manipulate his audience into doing more?
Listen to the sermon review on this episode of Fighting for the Faith:
Here's the comedian Galagher from the 1980's:
Hmmm, does "pastor" David Hughes remind you of any another guy jumping?...
Here's another great sermon review from BEZELT3:
Heatherlee Castro1978, an apparent Youtube prophetess believes a flashing broken clock on her stove confirmed a "Rapture Powder" dream she had.
She saw four cylinders in her dream, each having packaged powder with a label. Unable to fully interpret the meaning, she asked her viewers for help.
In her video she calls the cylinders "Elijah Powder", but also wonders if they are "Rapture Powder".
A quirky electrical problem in her residence helped her conclude that this dream was surely from God. She had her air conditioning on at the same times as her clothes dryer. That apparently triggered a fuse and she lost power, which resulted in her clock stove flashing 3:11.
That caused her to think of Revelation 3:11, and that was instant confirmation her dream was from God.
“Revelation 3:11 I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.”
Surely the lesson we can learn is that God can turn power outages into opportunities for him to communicate through flashing clocks on stoves? Sort of an absurd conclusion isn't it? Almost as absurd as confirming the divine origin of a dream due to a power outage and a flashing clock on the stove.
The two witnesses of Revelation 11 are named Marshall and Russell, and have been released from a U-Haul like trailer according to "Seer" Rhonda Empson.
Rhonda Empson in a recent Youtube video claimed to be a seer who is God's mouthpiece. She describes a God given dream about the releasing of the two witnesses of Revelation 11. Their names are apparently Marshall and Russell, and they've been kept hidden in a U-Haul like trailer by God.
According to Rhonda, Marshall and Russell have been released from the U-Haul by God and are now roaming around free. A brief side note, two characters from the cartoon Paw Patrol are named Marshall and Rubble.
So it's possible that this fictional message that's for the dogs is influenced by a cartoon that has two dogs.
Does this absurd "word" from God really need further commentary?
Here's a video of excerpts from Rolland Baker's (the husband of Heidi Baker) recent appearance at Glory City Church in Australia:
This guy is trying way too hard to make things funny:
If you want to really ruin your day, you can watch the entire spectacle (start at about 1:24:10 into the video to just see Rolland Baker):
Listen to Chris Rosebrough discuss this on Fighting for the Faith: Prophetic Goat Rodeo
Here's Rolland's (more convincing) wife, Heidi Baker:
Heidi Baker's Demonic Impartations at Bethel Church
Rolland Baker and the NAR (New Apostolic Reformation) "Super Apostles" don't want you to know about their involvement in the Charismatic Day of Infamy.
For those of you who think it's mean and unloving to criticize Rolland & Heidi Baker (or any other popular teachers) here's a list of Bible verses to consider: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.
Finally, here's an important article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.
John Crowder is a tragedy of sorts. He appears to understand the work Jesus accomplished on the cross for us. At various times he explains it well. Yet this is all tainted by a high level of creepiness. I’m convinced it’s from influences in the Land of Charismania.
In this video called “Jesus the Suckling”, he asks the viewer, “If you had a set of milky-paps would you let little baby Jesus drink from your breasts?” (Around 12:55.)
That’s just creepy and strange to suggest. But it doesn’t end there. In a video about heresy hunters he set the Youtube video thumbnail to a photo of himself shirtless in an obvious attempt to invite controversy. But Crowder is a master of inviting controversy...
It’s not just his videos, some of his books are creepy too. He has a book titled, “The Ecstasy of Loving God: Trances, Raptures, and the Supernatural Pleasures of Jesus Christ”.
The book description on Amazon makes it sound like pleasurable out of body experiences are normal for all Christians.
“It is time to return the joy of the Lord to everyday Christian life. The Greek term for ecstasy is linked with the pleasurable, God-given state of out-of-body experience recorded throughout the New Testament and the church age.”
Reading the book description further, we can glimpse into the mystical charismania that lead to the tragedy that is John Crowder.
“Author John Crowder shows you how God’s active interaction with men and women throughout the ages has always been marked by supernatural experiences. More than a state of mind, you will see how the nature of God’s ecstasy is found in the joy, bliss, and inner raptures of His presence.
You will also:
* Learn the history of trances in revival ministries.
* Gain a biblical understanding of Christian mysticism.
* Explore the ecstatic states of prayer and spiritual trances.
* Learn how to walk in continual joy and pleasure before the Father.
* Examine miraculous phenomena.
* Be refreshed by the new wine of God’s Spirit!
* Be encouraged to drink from the river of His pleasure! (Psalm 36:8)
There is no doubt that you can experience the joy and ecstasy of His presence every day of your life”
It’s a distraction from the core message of the Gospel, and a distracting spiritual pivot taking his spiritual roots from the firm soil that is Jesus. There is nothing new under the sun. People have been trying to distract from Jesus since the first days of the church.
“Therefore let no one pass judgment on you in questions of food and drink, or with regard to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath. These are a shadow of the things to come, but the substance belongs to Christ. Let no one disqualify you, insisting on asceticism and worship of angels, going on in detail about visions, puffed up without reason by his sensuous mind, and not holding fast to the Head, from whom the whole body, nourished and knit together through its joints and ligaments, grows with a growth that is from God.”
The tragedies can be avoided by simply remaining rooted in Jesus and his word.
“And yet some people actually imagine that the revelation in God’s Word is not enough to meet our needs. They think that God from time to time carries on an actual conversation with them, chatting with them, satisfying their doubts, testifying to His love for them, promising them support and blessings. As a result, their emotions soar; they are full of bubbling joy that is mixed with self-confidence and a high opinion of themselves. The foundation for these feelings, however, does not lie within the Bible itself, but instead rests on the sudden creations of their imaginations. These people are clearly deluded. God’s Word is for all of us and each of us; He does not need to give particular messages to particular people.”
We just posted an article about the lewd photograph that was posted on "Pastor" Esther Houston's Instagram. She quickly removed that photo, but we've discovered that this is just a regular part of "Pastor" Houston's life, it seems. She did this same thing about a year ago; see Now You See Her Now You Don't. She's accustomed to posting sexy pictures of herself, and her "church" is directly supporting this activity.
Hillsong Church has a biography page for Esther Houston, and it directly links to her MISSWHOO webpage containing photos that could lead many into temptation. You've been warned.
In case you think this woman isn't really considered a pastor, below is a screenshot of the official Hillsong website. Notice how Hillsong describes Esther as someone who is "redefining modern day misconceptions. " Hmmm...
Below is a sampling from the Miss Whoo website and Houston's clothing store website: Houston Graeff.
Here are a few screenshots from a video on Esther Houston's YouTube channel where a model is wearing a t-shirt with the "F" word clearly written across the front:
Jesus instructed us to pray not to be lead into temptation. Scripture continually calls us to run away from sexual lust. Why is Hillsong Church linking to a site that can very easily provoke those sinful passions? Why is Hillsong Church sending the clear message to young women that it's okay to use your body as a sexually alluring object? How bad do things have to get before the Hillsong empire will be exposed as not really a church at all, but as the multi-million dollar corporate entity that it actually is??
“Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world.”— 1 John 1: 15-16
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what it the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ”— Romans 12: 1-2
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”— 1 Thessalonians 4: 3-5
One last thought:
We at Pirate Christian Media are not interested in simply getting web hits to increase numbers (and thus post controversial things like this to get more views). We are very concerned that gigantic, corrupt media empires like Hillsong, need to be exposed, and the Evangelical Industrial Complex will not do it. Most of the so-called "trusted leaders" within Evangelicalism want to look the other way and pretend everything is okay.
Posting these kinds of lewd stories is not fun for us, and we certainly don't intend to cause more people to stumble by posting questionable photographs. But if nobody exposes these things, they will only get worse. We feel it's necessary to put this stuff in everyones's face (so to speak) in order to shake people up.
For more information about Hillsong check out: The Brian Houston & Hillsong Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Abuse, Obfuscation & Money Generation
For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Hillsong (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.
If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend Hillsong, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.
Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.
Is it any surprise that Esther Houston is a "co-pastor" with Carl Lentz?
Hillsong Pastor Diego Simila (also known as the Naked Cowboy) has shown up again in a disgusting "costume" at a Christmas party for Hillsong's Pastrix Esther Houston. Houston thought it would be a good idea to post this on Instagram (it was removed within a few hours of this article being posted). This photo looks like it came from a drug dealer party or something, but it didn't: this is the culture of some of the leaders at Hillsong:
Here's an article about this from ChurchWatch Central: Simila's Comeback: Hillsong's Naked Santa Puts Hillsong's Naked Cowboy to Shame
Here's another article from Pulpit and Pen: Hillsong's Naked Cowboy is Back-Except Now It's Naked Santa!
We expect the staff at Hillsong to pretend that this didn't happen, then to admit it happened but it's not a big deal (because we don't understand their version of "fun") and then we expect Hillsong to turn this into a story about how their critics are too harsh and negative (and jealous) and take things "out of context." But seriously, is this what Christian pastors should be doing??
"Pastor" Esther Houston has no problem at all with posting sexy pictures of herself. In fact, Hillsong Church links directly to her seductive website full of sexy photos, where you can also find her clothing for sale. We are not making this up! Read about it here: Hillsong Website Links to Lusty Esther Houston Website.
“Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world.”
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what it the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. ”
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
For more (serious) information about Hillsong check out: The Brian Houston & Hillsong Cornucopia of False Doctrine, Abuse, Obfuscation & Money Generation
For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Hillsong (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.
If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend Hillsong, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.
Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.
Every year the biggest churches put on the biggest spectacles to attract the biggest crowds. Here's a video compilation of a few of the most ridiculous:
Just in case you aren't nauseous yet, here's a post from last year at this time: Battle of the Crazy Gigantic Extreme Christmas Spectacles!
“I wanna see people floating around My churches on wires! Where are the acrobats? Can’t we get more acrobats for the Christmas Show?? Let’s get some colored lights on those drums! Turn up the bass solo-I want people to feel it! Remember, Christmas is all about ME and MY SHOW!!!”
South African “prophet” Lethebo Rabalago of Mount Zion General Assembly sprays Doom insecticide on people coming to him for healing reports The BBC.
These people appear to have received the blessing.
Doom markets itself as fast and deadly.
Some of his followers on social media appear to support this publicity.
Some things are so over the top on the absurd scale that no further explanation is needed. This is one of those things.
How do you know if you have The Swiss Army Knife anointing? Doug Addison says we'll all have The Swiss Army Knife anointing this season. (What season is he referring to? Halloween?)
Remember folks, God can't equip you, unless you believe He is equipping you. (But if you post a cheesy stock photo and make claims that don't exist in the Bible... well, you might be Doug Addison.)
What is The Swiss Army Knife anointing, you ask? How do you know if you have it? How do you know you have something that isn't even in the scripture? Below are five signs you may have it.
You may wake up one morning wearing lime green and yellow hipster swag. The lady above has a real neato-mosquito lime green (Or some bright shade of green...) knit hat. Your Swiss Army Knife anointing ensemble will come with a delightful yellow sweater and green hipster glasses.
Maybe if you have a strong desire to be crammed into a drawer, never to be used, then you'll know you have this anointing? Because I have a Swiss Army Knife, and I never use it, it's actually crammed into a drawer.
Possibly if part of your consciousness feels like a corkscrew that will never be used to open a bottle of wine, then maybe, just maybe then you'll know you have this anointing? Does anyone really use the corkscrew on a Swiss Army Knife to open a bottle of wine?
Swiss Army Knives are really pricy, and admit it, you've seen the discounted knockoff versions at your local drug store. I also own two of those, that I never use.
Like the corkscrew, is anyone really going to use the little saw to do major lumberjack work? Probably not.
And this absurd list is just as absurd as creating an anointing that isn't even listed in scripture.
Another "worship" spectacle that spoofs itself:
So let's take an inventory of what's going on here... We've got a "church service" that looks like a drive-in movie (with real people in real cars); a strange dance tribute to Michael Jackson, PSY, Beyonce and... Star Wars; and an opening skit with two people portraying Chewbacca and Princess Leia. What were these people thinking??
“For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified.”
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”
For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Church by the Glades (or any other popular teacher/church) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.
If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend this kind of "worship" service, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.
Here's a very extensive documentary exposing the problems with the "Seeker-Friendly" church model: Church of Tares: Purpose Driven, Seeker Sensitive
Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.
Church by the Glades has jumped the shark so many times... but this time... it's difficult to find words...
Maybe this article can help explain such madness:
Your motorcycle may be a literal Hell's Angel says "Prophetess" Rosalind Solomon. According to her your Lexus could be Legion, your Beamer could be Belial, and well, you get the idea.
You are more than free to watch her almost hour long explanation here. Like me, you probably don't want to do that, so just for you, I've chopped it down into two easily digestible parts. Well maybe, not that easily digestible.
In the first video you will hear a lot of nonsense. The gist?
1. Your vehicle or motorcycle may be a demon made by Satan of a dead human.
2. Satan can even put demons in jewelry, makeup, creams, hair dye, weave hair, turkey tails, and canned goods at the 99 cent store.
Have you lost your sense of lucid equilibrium yet? I had to listen about five times just to understand her flow of thought. As far as vehicles go, demons are limited to luxury cars, mostly.
Let's go to exhibit two. Can you handle the "truth"?
The gist? There are humanoid demons that can block the heart from receiving the gospel, so you must take measures to remove it.
Prophetess Rosalind appears to have an audience. If you take time to listen to her entire video, she mentions people who send her money for books, and she even holds conferences that people attend. You can visit her website and Youtube channel.
Why point out the over the top vain imaginations of an obscure false prophetess? Because she's an example of the ongoing need to warn people. People are sadly so easily deceived. She doesn't have the gravitas or funding of the popular false prophets, yet she has followers.
If she can so easily deceive when she lacks gravitas, imagine what someone with major money and talent behind their false ministry can do.
There is no difference between her vain imaginations and the vain imaginations coming from the popular mega-false ministries. Both are founded in the unreality of their own imaginations, and not in scripture.
For those who think it's mean, judgmental and un-loving to criticize Rosalind Solomon (or any other so-called prophet) here's something just for you: Shocking Stuff You're Not Supposed to Know.
If you're having a knee-jerk reaction to try and defend Rosalind, check out: Confirmation Bias: Why You Are Protecting Your False Beliefs.
Finally, here's an article that will help you be more discerning and a lot less gullible: Defusing Demonic Dirty Bombs.
Christ Fellowship is handing out popcorn at the door, giving away VIP reserved seating, and conducting a special effects smoke & flame show with "Ironman" on stage during their official Sunday worship service. The VIP reserved seating has a mini refrigerator with drinks, hot popcorn, and candy. To potentially qualify for the VIP reserved seating you have to take a picture of yourself by a movie set at a church campus, post it to social media, and then tag the photo. Does this seem like pandering to get people to show up to you?
Is this really the type of atmosphere an official church worship service should have? This may be fine for an informal church outreach event, but this is supposed to be a gathering of the church to worship. But a big sign on stage saying "AT THE MOVIES" confesses that the focus here is on a movie.
Below you will see the absolute distraction and mess they make of a church service...
“For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.”
Have you ever wondered what a prophetic, blues, disco, gospel, spoken-word, repetitive, R&B video would look like? If you have, we have found your answer! Meet "Prophetess" Jerri Flake and her husband/vocalist extraordinaire, Anthony. A large bottle of Pepto-Bismol will be supplied to anyone who can stomach watching all three of these bizarre videos.
What’s the point of pointing this out? This is an over-the-top example of absolute absurdity being done in the name of God. God doesn’t need cheesy theatrics with disco ball special effects to get the message out-especially if it's just a bunch of repeating phrases that lack any real content.
His real message is already out-in the Bible!
Please partner with us by clicking one of our friendly yellow buttons.
“Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.” (Jude 1:3)
© 2023 Pirate Christian Media, LLC
“You shall not steal.” (Exodus 20:15)
Powered by Squarespace | Made by Maxims.org
