Kenneth Copeland: "The Coronavirus is Over as of March 29, 2020!"
/This is not satire. (We wish that it was…)
“Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” …Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
Francis Chan Promoting Benny Hinn and Rodney Howard-Browne
/Here’s a video showing Francis Chan promoting “The Send” where he was a speaker along with many false teachers, such as Todd White, Lou Engle, Bill Johnson and these two complete heretics who finished up the conference:
Benny Hinn and Rodney Howard-Browne:
Here are some more videos on these (really) false teachers:
Kevin Zadai Breaks HPM (Heresy Per Minute) World Record!
/In the following video, you’ll see a strange mixture of:
A Twilight Zone episode,
A New Age training session,
An insurance salesman who is somehow turned into a carnival barker for the Yak Lady who also has a side job as a fortune-teller that specializes in acquiring retirement accounts from the elderly and senile (oh wait, that was simply a description of Sid Roth)…
Kevin Zadai has set a new HPM (Heresy Per Minute) world record!
Watch his video and be amazed:
Bonus points will be awarded to anyone who can make it through all 28:31 of this Festival of False Teaching!
In case you’re concerned that this man calls himself “Dr.” Kevin Zadai in spite of not being a doctor, you can rest assured, because he was ordained by “Dr.” Jesse Duplantis (who isn’t a doctor either):
James Goll Gets Discernment 100% WRONG!
/
The Elijah List sent out this promotion for James Goll’s new book:
The Discerner: Hearing, Confirming, and Acting on Prophetic Revelation -- by James W. Goll
Everything is backwards, upside down and twisted in this strange world of the NAR Super Apostles. Yes, discernment is truly something lacking in the Christian Church today, but with teachers like James Goll it is getting much worse.
Instead of looking to God’s all-sufficient Word, Goll is teaching people to become fortune-tellers and soothsayers, while tacking on a few Bible verse here and there to appear legitimate.
Here’s an awful and blasphemous quote from Goll:
“The Word became flesh” is a reference to Jesus Christ, but Goll gleefully attributes the qualities of God to himself. This is “Blasphemy 101.”
“And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.”
This verse is all about Jesus being the Word that became flesh. Obviously! But James Goll turns it into a verse about us being the word that became flesh. What the?? This is so terribly wrong that maybe James Goll is some obscure cult leader, right?
Nope.
Here are some of the NAR leaders who endorse him and his latest book:
Discernment is what the Holy Spirit gives us THROUGH THE BIBLE! False teachers like James Goll are always giving speeches and writing books that claim to have new information that will help you learn stuff that goes beyond the Bible. On top of that, they end up taking God off the throne and climbing into the driver’s seat themselves.
For more of an explanation, here’s a similar article about Goll’s fellow NARpostle, Jennifer LeClaire:
Jennifer LeClaire Gets Discernment 100% WRONG!
By the way, we expect Dr. Michael Brown to remain silent as his fellow writer commits blasphemy…
God is "Releasing Audacious Exploits in People's Hearts" says Charismatic Clown Ryan LeStrange
/
Ryan LeStrange has a keen ability to say absolutely nothing while using a large number of words. Check out his recent article in Charisma Magazine:
Prophetic Dream: 'I Am Releasing Audacious Exploits in My People's Hearts'
LeStrange wants to be considered an important Apostle and he is doing all the right stuff to advance his standing among gullible Charismatics who desperately seek after the latest new thing. For instance, he pretends that being considered an Apostle is of no value to him, while he tries to validate his “Apostolic position” in the following quote:
“I had received an email from one of the prophetic fathers in America. He made a reference to me about being a next-generation apostolic leader on the East Coast. I didn’t give it a lot of thought, but within a few days, I had a series of prophetic dreams about the East/West connection of glory in the United States and the implications for the nations...”
See what Ryan LeStrange did there? When some big whig prophetic father suggested that LeStrange should be getting an Apostolic promotion he “didn’t give it a lot of thought.” But then God Himself assured him (and us, too, apparently) that LeStrange was really worthy of this Apostolic position (but only for the East coast, for the time being). But then LeStrange says this: “I believe the Father is showing us an East/West glory corridor that is opening up. There is an announcement of reform and glory traveling east to west and west to east. There is a merge of the apostolic and prophetic along with powerful miracle ministry that gets the attention of nations.”
In summary:
Ryan LeStrange is an East coast Apostle (but he is too humble to come right out and announce it directly).
God is: “releasing audacious exploits in the heart of my people” and “causing old wells to collide with fresh outpourings.”
There is an East/West glory corridor thingy opening up.
Ryan LeStrange had some dreams that meant something (that only he can really understand).
Do NOT doubt the words of Apostle Ryan LeStrange!
If you think he’s just a bloviating, self-promoting windbag, you really need to read his biographical description on Charisma Magazine (so you know it must be true!):
Ryan LeStrange is an apostolic and prophetic revolutionary, laboring to see global awakening.
He is the founder and apostolic leader of a global network of ministries known as TRIBE Apostolic Network.
He is the senior leader of the iHub movement, planting and overseeing a network of governing churches, apostolic hubs, and revival hubs.
Ryan is also a real estate investor who is active in the business arena.
Ryan is an accomplished author.
For a serious look at the “prophetic movement” please watch this video:
New Comedy from Charlie Shamp: "A New Prophetic Bird is Being Birthed in the Earth"
/The following is a silly and incoherent word salad from Charlie Shamp that was (accidentally) published on the Elijah List website as real. Unfortunately, this work of wacky comedy sounded exactly like the other “prophetic words” that the Elijah List posts everyday, so Steve Shultz took it seriously and provided this endorsing preface: “I have come to know Charlie Shamp's prophetic words as being very accurate and timely. I always look forward to reading and hearing what Prophet Charlie Shamp has to share with the Body of Christ. This is a most intriguing word as Charlie shares about new prophetic birds being birthed in this season:”
Charlie Shamp: "A New Prophetic Bird is Being Birthed in the Earth"
These crazy “prophetic words” are so far away from Biblical Christianity that anyone with an ounce of common sense should see the humor and simply laugh! Clearly, Charlie Shamp is trying his hand at comedy, since his ability to predict the future has failed miserably, and that zany hairstyle is practically shouting: “Hey! This all just a joke, go ahead and laugh at me!!”
Here are some of the outrageous things that Charlie Shamp wrote in his nutty little article about prophetic birds being birthed:
“The Golden Eagle
The golden eagle represented the seer prophets. Those who are given supernatural insights and heavenly revelation through dreams and visions. They carry a wonder-working power of the supernatural. They often manifest unusual wonders and manifestations of the glory.
The Silver Winged Dove
The silver winged dove represented the nabi prophets. Those that spontaneously prophesy as the Spirit moves upon them. They are given a ministry of signs that manifest in the area of deliverance and healing.
The Snow White Owl
The snow white owl represented the prayer and holiness prophets. These are watchers and prophetic intercessors. They are those who the Lord had sent to pray and intercede over cities and nations. From out of this prophetic bird has sprung the prayer and purity revival movements.”
-Comedy from Charlie Shamp
Just to make sure everyone knows this is all in fun, Shamp ends his article with pure nonsense that says absolutely nothing. Check out this hilarious ending paragraph (and try to hold back the laughter!)…
“I believe we are in a season of acceleration in the prophetic. A new mantle is being offered to the Church. God is looking for leaders to unite from these three movements. As they come together in this season, a new, fresh wave of prophetic power will be released upon this young prophetic generation of sons and daughters. It will take the spirit of Elijah coming upon the fathers and mothers to unite the different prophetic movements, but they will release a Bridal company, and a new prophetic bird will be released in the earth, one the world has never seen before.”
-Comedy from Charlie Shamp
For more information on Charlie Shamp, check out these episodes of Fighting for the Faith.
Jennifer LeClaire: "Python Spirit Collapsed My Building!"
/Here's a story about the Apostle Jennifer "Sneaky Squid Spirit" LeClaire from the Heterodox Research Initiative: Python Spirit Collapsed My Building Says Apostle Jennifer LeClaire
Remember, Dr. Michael Brown approves, promotes and recommends Jennifer LeClaire, so you just know she's gotta be a true Prophet and Apostle!
"Engagement Conference" Featuring Distorted & Chaotic Apostles and Prophets!
/
Good news everyone: there are Apostles and Prophet living on the earth again! How can we be sure? Because they've got a website called "Prophets and Apostles.org" so you know it's legit.
This promotional video for (yet another) conference is as distorted, chaotic and confused as the conference will likely be:
You will have to pay to hear these new Apostles and Prophets, but if you spring for the VIP package, you'll get a hat, a t-shirt, and a chance to win an iPad:
“My dear son Timothy, I want you to come and see me soon, but you must buy the VIP package so that you might win the prize that’s been put in front of you... it’s an iPad!”
The God You Should Doubt, According to Bill Johnson and Randy Clark
/If you’re looking for guides to teach you how to walk by sight, and to doubt if God loves you in Christ, you really need to listen to Bill Johnson and Randy Clark. On the other hand if you prefer to live by faith and not by sight, and don’t want to doubt God’s love for you in Christ, then you probably shouldn’t consult Bill Johnson and Randy Clark...
Bill Johnson and Randy Clark were asked why miracles and healing are so important today. Bill Johnson gave an answer that really doesn’t encourage anyone to stretch their faith, or live by faith at all. He talked about how God has the power and resources to heal.
“If you have resources and you don’t take care of a need, then your love is questioned.” -Bill Johnson
Bill Johnson is giving us room to question God’s love if he doesn’t heal us. Forget about stretching our faith and calling us to walk by faith and not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) Forget about saying that hope that is seen is no hope at all. (Romans 8:24) According to these men, what Jesus did on the cross doesn’t really prove that God does love us in Christ.
Randy Clark also gave a resounding call to live by sight and not by faith. He said that without miracles and healing, the gospel for some is just a moral code or philosophy. Clark gave emphasis to miracles and healing as THE way God shows his glory. That really is a top rate tactic on his part to get us to live by sight. If he wanted to get us to live by faith, he might suggest that the gospel is the very power of God unto salvation. (Romans 1:16)
So if you want the top advocates for living by sight, and doubting if God loves you, listen to Bill Johnson and Randy Clark. It’s rather interesting that these two men known for their "amazing faith," are actually better at promoting the exact opposite.
Original video here.
Thanks to Is Not Satire!
Utterly Useless Blathering from Cindy Jacobs & Chuck Pierce
/Here's a short video demonstrating the utterly useless "prophetic ministry" of people like Cindy Jacobs and Chuck Pierce. This happened in 2009, and like all of these types of prophetic messages, nothing is clearly being taught of any value, and nothing good happened as a result of this type of rambling, incoherent nonsense.
Dr. Michael Brown's Citizenship in Sid Roth-Iscam
/
Have you heard of the country called Sid Roth-Iscam? It's a very special place, where only a select few can become citizens. Sid Roth-Iscam is where weak and vulnerable travelers lose their money and dignity, as the royal citizenry enrich themselves through fraud and deceit.
Dr. Michael Brown has proven his citizenry in this land. Here is a short video that explains the qualifications necessary to become a citizen of this land:
Thanks to Is Not Satire!
Remember, Dr. Michael Brown has publicly validated the "ministry" of his good friend, Sid Roth:
Hey Dr. Michael Brown, Your New Book is Already Useless!
Does This String of Incredible Coincidences Connect Dr. Michael Brown to the NAR?
Dr. Michael Brown Ruins His Credibility on His Own Facebook Wall, Then Deletes All the Evidence
Michael Brown Can't Defend "Sneaky Squid Spirit"-Repeatedly Changes the Subject
Dr. Michael Brown (Sort of) Approves of These "Fine Christians..." Watch at your Own Risk!
Want an "Imparting" From These Christian Superstars at the Presence Conference? Pay The Fee!
/
Here's (yet another) conference where you're supposed to go and "encounter God." This one has superstars Rick Pino, Todd White, Misty Edwards, and a few other NAR people as guest speakers and musicians. Rick Pino is putting on this conference, that's why he gets top billing. This "Presence 2018" event is where the Holy Spirit has been scheduled to make an appearance.
(Notice above that these people have trouble spelling the word "Christianity" correctly; imagine how they handle actual Christian doctrine!)
Here's a screenshot of the ticket prices; notice the PREMIUM option:
So, for an extra twenty bucks you can have an exclusive time of imparting with one of the celebrity worship leaders or speakers.
“My dear Corinthians, although I would like to see you in person and have an exclusive time of imparting, I must be paid some sort of fee. I am, after all, the Apostle Paul.”
It looks like Rick Pino is trying to kick-start his HOD School of Ministry. What does HOD stand for? House of David. This appears to be the latest trend in the hyper-Charismatic world: re-establishing the tabernacle of David.
If you want to attend Pino's "school" you'll have to shell out $3,600 for a 12 week semester, and half of your academic day will involve "praying" and "worshipping" while hypnotic music lulls you into thinking that you're actually learning something. Here's what the schedule looks like:
On Saturdays you'll have the opportunity to annoy the citizens of Austin, Texas, by continually attempting to make both of their legs the same length. The citizens of Redding, California would appreciate the chance to be left alone, so if you're thinking of attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, maybe give this school a try instead.
If you're sceptical that maybe Rick Pino's school isn't legit, don't worry: Kim Walker Smith thinks it's the place for you (she had her photo taken right after she got back from a Halloween party)...
Here's a related article about this new "Skip Jesus and the New Testament" movement:
Here's more information about the highly paid professional speaker, Todd White:
You Can Unlock the Supernatural from the Courts of Heaven! (For $139.00)
/Got an extra $139 laying around? The Apostle Robert Henderson will grant you permission to:
And if you think this is gonna be just another flakey conference don't worry, this conference features some heavyweight theologians like: Patricia King, Che Ahn, Randy Clark, Mark Chironna (who is sporting a new scholarly-looking beard and a cool Bill Johnson-style shirt!) and The Apostle Robert Henderson himself.
Here's the Apostle Robert Henderson talking about how to get rich-oops, I mean unlocking wealth... but I'll save you the 28 minutes of worthless blathering. Wanna get rich? Charge a bunch of people $139 to "unlock the supernatural from the courts of heaven!"
By the way, if this sounds like the prosperity gospel to you, don't worry about it, because Dr. Michael Brown says it's not!
"Holy Sh*t!"-It's Heidi Baker at Brownsville!
/
Here's a brief (and disturbing) compilation video of Heidi Baker when she was the special guest speaker at the Brownsville Assembly of God for a conference called Awake Deborah in 2003; the original video is two hours long:
Heidi tells somebody in the noisy, confused and writhing crowd "I know it hurts, it's holy though, don't be afraid..." She also asks God to "incapacitate" people.
As Heidi is trying to impart something to Guatemala she is overcome by convulsions and says "holy sh*t, I'll come back..."
Here's that part of the original video:
Dr. Michael Brown is a big defender of Heidi Baker, so you can be assured that she's legitimate!
Thanks to Is Not Satire for bringing this to our attention!
The Benny Hinn vs. Todd White Sing-Off Competition and Commissioning Ceremony
/2017 was a really good year for Todd White; he became a "Christian Super Star" and even received extra special treatment from Kenneth Copeland and Benny Hinn! In this video, we see the special sing-off competition and commissioning ceremony that took place at the Jesus Conference 2017:
Todd White really knows how to go BIG. He went from a complete unknown just a decade ago to sharing the spotlight with the world's richest and most notorious false teachers.
Here he is talking about "encountering the Holy Spirit in a Benny Hinn meeting:"
Here he is practically speechless in the presence of the great and mighty Kenneth Copeland just a few months ago, as the two of them raise money for Todd's gigantic $19 million facility:
Todd White and Kenneth Copeland: Prosperity Pimps (Like the Apostle Paul)
In 2015 Todd White made over $600,000 from his little "street ministry!"
Please watch this interview with Benny Hinn's nephew, Costi Hinn, who has rejected the prosperity Gospel of his wealthy and famous uncle in order to follow Jesus Christ:
Here's an expose on Benny Hinn from 2002:
Here's what the Apostle Paul said about preachers getting rich:
2 Corinthians 2:17 “Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God.”
1 Timothy 6:5, 9-10 “...and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. (9) But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. (10) For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.”
1 Corinthians 5:11-13 "But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of a brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler-not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those on the outside. Remove the evil person from among you."
Titus 1:7-11 “For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.”
Here's what Jesus said about getting rich:
Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
Luke 6:20-26 And he lifted up his eyes on his disciples, and said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets. But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."
Here's what the Apostle Peter said about preachers getting rich:
2 Peter 2:1-3 “But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves. Many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned; and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.”
Here's what the Apostle John says about getting rich:
1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions-is not from the Father but is from the world. And this world is fading away, along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."
Here's Todd White's $1 million mansion:
Check out these articles about Todd White:
Todd White Says "I Am Sinless" (Just Like Jesus)
Todd White-How to Read Your(self into the) Bible
Dr. Michael Brown, Here's Some Heresy Information For Your Upcoming Book
Todd White Can Sovereignly and Irresistibly Elect People to Salvation?
Todd White Flips the Gospel Upside Down
Todd White Flees Rebuke of Woman, Threatens to Call Police
Todd White Has a Gigantic Mansion, Now He Wants YOU to Buy Him This $19 Million Mega-Church!
SYNERGIZE: The Ox and Eagle Anointings Collide! LeStrange and LeClaire Spoof Themselves
/This really sounds like something made up as a satire post... but it's real. It would be fun to somehow make this more ridiculous, but we can't figure out a way to do that. It might be worth noting that Ryan LeStrange has recently adopted his new "Do These Make Me Look Smarter?" eyeglasses, so maybe he's received new revelatory powers as a result.
They are actually SELLING tickets to this festival of idiocy:
Thanks to Is Not Satire for the scoop on this unbelievably stupid event!
The Prophet Bob Jones: "A Three Foot Tall Being Rang My Doorbell"
/In this video interview, it only took about two minutes for the late "prophet" Bob Jones to prove himself to be a delusional nutcase on the order of cult leader Joseph Smith. Amazingly, Bob Jones is at the very heart and center of the New Apostolic Reformation; his "prophetic words" are responsible for establishing many of the major ministries associated with the NAR.
Lady Hekma is Greater than Elijah (Just Ask Her!)
/
Her gullible followers seem to agree:
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”
God Needs Your Sweet Talk Lovin’ – T.D. Jakes
/
God apparently needs your sweet lovin’. According to T.D. Jakes, God is a bit emotionally needy, and he may be holding back answers to prayer because you haven’t given him the amount of lovin’ he needs to hear.
On January 19, 2018 T.D. Jakes made a Facebook post promising breakthrough and answer to prayer if people simply opened their mouth and told God how much he means to them. He says God needs to hear how much he means to us.
“Good Morning
The breakthrough doesn’t come through the word, it comes through the worship! The greatest way to gain your breakthrough is through opening your mouth and telling God how much He means to you. Love has to express itself, and to the best way to show it is to worship Him in spirit and in truth ( John 4:24). Just like you would tell someone who is close to you, God needs to hear it as well. He is a passionate God. Whatever He feels, He feels passionately. He knows what you are enduring. He gave his body to His bride, all He asks in return is your worship. Worship brings relationship with God and as you draw closer to Him, He will reveal more of Himself to you.”
He is portraying an idolatrous image of God. God isn’t emotionally needy. He doesn’t need to hear how great he is, and God isn’t giving out goodies in exchange for some flattery.
The God of T.D. Jakes is part God and part emotionally needy lover. God doesn’t need anything. Portraying God as anything less than the self-sufficient God that he is, is to portray a false image of God.
“33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
35 “Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”
36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. ”
Cindy Jacobs Explains Her Psychic Ability as "Spiritual Reading"
/If you want to give people Encounters, you should listen to these fortune-telling techniques developed by Cindy Jacobs. She calls her psychic/prophetic readings "spiritual readings" and she gives this sage advice: "Don't try to go for theology, don't try to go for all this other stuff, go for the soul of the person." This is the Encounter Gospel! At about 8:30 into this video you'll hear Cindy explaining how to do a "cold reading," too.
“There is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.”
Do NOT doubt this prophetess! This is the woman who brought much clarity into the church last year when she revealed this new "Word from God:"
Cindy Jacobs Reveals Powerful One-Word Prophecy: "BASTA!!"
Here are many episodes of Fighting for the Faith that examine the teaching of Cindy Jacobs: Cindy Jacobs on Fighting for the Faith