Pirate Christian Media

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"Season of Popcorn Is Here!" Says God (through the prophet Lana Vawser)

Here's an important prophecy from the prophet Lana Vawser:

Now that we have this new Word from the Lord, we can add it to our Bibles, right? God's Word used to be pretty good, but now it's a lot better! This has to be true because Lana saw a lot of popcorn after God spoke to her. Wow! 

Why did God speak this new "Season of Popcorn" word to Lana? She says "God is confirming His word in supernatural ways in this season, and it's gonna be fun! The Lord's gonna confirm to you what he's speaking in ways that you couldn't even imagine! He's gonna pop His head up in the most random places and you will be filled with joy, knowing that you've heard from God... the enemy is screaming that your dream is not gonna come true, but the Lord is releasing supernatural breakthrough in this season of acceleration!"

 

What is being accelerated in this "Season of Popcorn"? What is Lana Vawser seeing? Possibly more nonsense in pop-Evangelical Christianity is being accelerated? 

There is a strong connection between popcorn and movies. Maybe she was receiving creative vibes about Revolution Church's "Christmas at the Movies".

In this Christmas season, nothing says Jesus isn't enough more than a movie theme distraction, and pastor dressed in an ugly sweater vest. 

Maybe Lana Vawser saw the acceleration of more nonsense.

Possibly the winds of the "spirit" tuned her into the acceleration of nonsense at Potential Church with their Who-ville Christmas.

The nonsense is popping and accelerating in pop-Evangelicalism this Christmas season isn't it? During a time that should preach our coming savior is enough, many churches are actually confessing that our gospel isn't enough and actually needs to be supplemented with gimmicks. Gospel + 0 = not enough. Gospel + gimmicks = just right. Right? 

Wrong.

It's time for some in the church to repent of these cheesy vain imaginations disguised as the word of God. Many need to understand Jesus + gimmicks is not good math. 

These neo-traditions of men have become our new idols, and like all idols they must be demolished. Ask God to grant you repentance if you fall under this category. His grace and forgiveness is enough for you, no gimmicks needed.